A BIG Hole has been ripped out of Grammy's heart! I am so glad that God is in the business of healing broken hearts. I want to say that Jordan has blessed Grammy's heart in a megga big way. Everywhere I look in my empty home I see the precious face. He filled my love with love and joy and laughter and yes, sometimes frustration. No words can describe tho when you hear his sweet voice calling your name out - him reaching for your hand, him wanting to help you, him cuddlying with you, getting eskimo kisses from, riding bike and looking at God's beautiful world together - he loves animals and we have our favorite ones to visit.
August 5, 1006 - Jordan and I rode our bike together for the last time in a while. Very heart breaking for Grandma. He was all smiles - not having a clue of what was really happening today.
Jordan and Amy picked out flowers for Gama - again my heart is touched. Amy and I enjoyed much time together - what a gift I have received from them. Actually all my girls are gifts to me and my precious Owen and Jordan are such added blessings. I tried to get going today - but everywhere I look I am reminded of sweet memories. Who wants to go to Walmart or Costco by themselves - NOT ME! Amy has been such a big help to me this past year. Without her I would not have been able to stay in this home. God always supplies our needs as we need them - and not before. And Amy has received much healing and Jordan is a BIG guy going to Sunday School - and the time has come to step out and trust God - and believe for more healing. We pray that God will do a miracle in and thru Cruz and Amy. Individually that their relationship with our Heavenly Father will flourish and Jordan will fall in love with Jesus and hand in hand they will serve the Lord Jesus.
I know God has much more to teach me and to show me more of Him and I know He is calling me to TRUST Him more - again. God show me what You want me to do next. Right now the alone feeling is so overwhelming that it is breaking my heart again and again..and taking my breath away at times....no one will know or care that I came home or not.
So does this tell me that I shouldn't move to Idaho next year - because again I could have my heart ripped out if they moved away like to Hawaii. No - life is precious and one does take a chance when one chooses to love someone and to let them wrap themselves around your heart. They may move away, they may reject your love, they grow up, too. and choose their own life - but still the joy, the love, the blessings, the precious relationships are well worth it. I love Cruz, Amy, and precious Jordan and am praying God's mightiest blessings on them heaped on so much they can't even begin to measure it. I pray for Ben, Katie, and precious Owen that God will heap more and more blessings on them and guide them, - again in cup fulls overflowing and overflowing and knowing HIS well never runs dry. Lord Jesus we must teach Owen and Jordan of your love, your faithfuless, your eternal life that you offer freely, that they may have a STRONG foundation in you - we must deligently teach them as we are told in Deuteronomy. AND of course we pray heaps and heaps of blessings on Kimber and Ben and their little ones who will come along someday and YOU already know them by name - and for Em Z Doodle - that you will grant physical strength, wisdom, health, and continued provision for college. Give her continued direction,affirming your love to her, filling her with your healing touch. Lord I pray each one of us will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, that we will wear the armor and STAND against the arrows and lies that satan throws at us...........VICTORIOUSLY -~
We have HOPE - yes, we have an ENDLESS HOPE
Hope this isn't too long for you. I am excited about my trip to Bethel - and how God has picked the exact dates for me = knowing that I would need this healing time.
I LOVE YOU!
Mom, Grammy, Sister, friend